


There's a Goose Loose in the Crimson Light!

by MercuryWells



Series: Garycato One-Shots [3]
Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Goose-typical violence, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26270530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryWells/pseuds/MercuryWells
Summary: The immortal soulmate goose has come to terrorize the denizens of the Crimson Light. Well, mostly Avocato. Poor guy.
Relationships: Avocato/Gary Goodspeed
Series: Garycato One-Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959988
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	There's a Goose Loose in the Crimson Light!

**Author's Note:**

> I ran into [this tag](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Alternate%20Universe%20-%20The%20Soulmate%20Goose%20of%20Enforcement) in the archive, and it is one of the best things I've ever seen, so of course I had to write a Final Space one-shot.
> 
> Takes place after the events of The Remembered.

Avocato is entering that transitional state between sleep and wakefulness when he realizes that there is a heavy weight on his chest. His first instinct is to panic, thinking that it’s sleep paralysis. He really doesn’t need his brain messing with him right now. He’s just gotten most of his memories back, and dealing with the emotional toll of that whole episode was bad enough. When he opens his eyes though, what he sees isn’t what he’s expecting for a sleep paralysis demon.

It’s a goose.

There’s an actual goose sitting on his chest.

Avocato has all of five seconds to contemplate this before the goose snaps forward, pecking at one of the unfortunate ventrexian’s ears. Naturally, Avocato screams, flailing his arms in a futile attempt to get the goose off of him. The goose honks at him, extending and flapping its wings.

“What the hell?” Avocato tries to shove the goose off. He gets several painful nips at his arms for his efforts.

Changing tactics, he rolls over and out of his bed, throwing the goose into the air. As soon as he lands on all fours on the floor he’s running for the door. He hears an indignant “squawnk!” coming from behind him, followed by the rustling of wings.

“C’mon! C’mon!” the ventrexian mutters as he slaps a palm over the door controls. 

The door swishes open, but before he can make his exit there’s a sharp bite at one of his thighs. “Me-owch!” he screams. It is not dignified.

Avocato runs out into the hallway, desperate to find another room to barricade himself in. He has no idea what he did to earn the ire of the goose. Hell, he has no idea how a goose got onto the ship.

“What’s going on?” a panicked Little Cato asks as he runs towards his dad. “I heard a scream!” Avocato doesn’t even bother with trying to deny that.

“Honk!” the goose replies, standing next to Avocato with wings outstretched in a threat posture.

“Uh, dad? When did you get a goose?” Little Cato eyes said bird warily.

“I did not get a goose,” Avocato answers through gritted teeth.

“Honk!”

“I think the goose says otherwise, dad.” Little Cato takes a couple steps toward the goose, which hisses at him. “Okay! Not a friendly goose!” he says as he steps back, cartwheeling his arms.

“It’s a goose. I don’t think they’re supposed to be friendly,” Avocato points out. The goose nips at him. “Dammit! Would you stop that!” he shouts at it and oh god he is arguing with a goose. This is his life now, apparently.

“What is the meaning of this ruckus?” Clarence asks as he enters the fray. “Dear heavens! Is that a goose? Who let such a filthy creature on board my ship?”

The goose honks indignantly at Clarence. Little Cato starts giggling.

“It’s not funny,” Avocato growls. He’s burning with embarrassment at being bullied by a bird. He’s failing ventrexians everywhere. Somewhere out there, the spirits of his parents are looking down at him with shame.

“Trust me. It is!” Little Cato manages to say around his laughing fit. He’s curled over with his hands on his knees, his shoulders shaking.

Avocato is nonplussed. He crosses his arms. Little Cato looks unimpressed.

With a honk, the goose butts its head against the back of his legs.

“I think it wants you to go somewhere,” Little Cato says.

Avocato groans. He’s actually being shepherded by this goose. He supposes it’s a good thing that he’s become so used to having absolutely no control over his own life.

He starts walking down the hallway, wondering where the goose is trying to take him, picking up the pace when the goose starts acting up again. Clarence and Little Cato follow along for the ride.

Eventually Avocato notices the goose has stopped. It’s standing next to the door to Gary’s bedroom.

“Honk!” The goose taps on the door with its beak.

After a long moment the door opens.

“Heyyy, s’going on?” Gary says groggily as he looks dead ahead. He’s confused when he doesn’t see anyone. It takes him a moment to look down. “There’s a goose here,” he states.

At this the goose sits down placidly. _Apparently the goose will get along with Gary, but not with me_ , Avocato thinks bitterly.

Then Avocato notices Gary’s wearing nothing but pajama bottoms that are resting low on his hips. He absolutely does not stare, raising his eyes to head level instead. Except that’s not much better: Gary has the most adorable bed hair. Avocato has to fight the urge to run his hands through it.

“Yeah. Dad got a goose,” Little Cato says, breaking Avocato from his reverie.

“For the last time: I did _not_ get a goose,” Avocato snaps.

“You sure about that Avocato?” Gary asks as he peers down at the goose. “Because what I’m looking at looks very much like a goose.”

“I’ve never seen that goose before in my life,” Avocato says. He resents that it feels like he’s being put on trial. “I woke up and it was just there.”

“Yeah, sure. You sure you didn’t sneak a pet onto the ship? I won’t judge!” Gary assures.

“What kind of masochist could possibly want to keep one of these hellbirds as a pet?” Avocato points a claw at the goose for emphasis. The goose looks innocently back at him.

Gary shrugs. “Seems pretty okay to me. At least, for a goose.”

“That’s because it’s not attacking you like you offended it’s mother,” Avocato points out.

“This is all good and fun,” Clarence pipes in sarcastically. “But I really would like to get this thing off of my ship.”

“My ship,” Gary interjects.

“If that’s what you want to think, primate. AVA?”

“Yes?” the ship’s AI responds.

“How much longer until we reach our destination?”

“We will reach Garxia Station in four hours.”

“Good. As soon as we land, we’re foisting that thing onto whatever unfortunate soul will take it.” With that Clarence walks off.

Little Cato yawns and stretches. “Well this was hilarious, but I’m going back to bed. Good luck with the goose, dad.”

Then it’s just the three of them: Gary, Avocato, and the damned goose.

Gary looks at the goose, which is still plopped on the floor in front of him. “You just going to sit there, little friend?” The goose stares back with beady eyes. “Talkative fellow.” Gary looks at Avocato. “Want to catch a midnight snack?”

“Might as well,” Avocato acquiesces. It’s not like he’s going to get back to sleep any time soon, what with all the adrenaline coursing through his system.

As he walks to the mess with Gary he notices the goose waddling behind them. It seems content to just follow, no longer attacking its charge. It’s a small victory that Avocato will take.

When they get to the mess Gary walks to a cupboard and fishes out a packet of cookies. He sits down at the table and rips the packet open. He offers a cookie to Avocato before taking one for himself. Avocato would be lying if he said he wasn’t touched by the gesture.

The goose flaps its wings and jumps onto the table.

Gary screws up his face. “That can’t be sanitary.”

“If you want to try to get it down, be my guest,” Avocato replies. He’s certainly content to leave it the hell alone.

The two of them sit in silence for a minute, munching on their cookies. Avocato is painfully aware that the silence should be uncomfortable; but with Gary it’s enough just to be in his presence that the silence doesn’t bother him. Then the thought of this does make Avocato a little uncomfortable. Sometimes he really wishes he could turn off his brain.

Fortunately, Gary offers a distraction. “So. Goose. What’s up with that?” he says with a mouthful of cookie.

Avocato knows he should find that disgusting, but on Gary it’s a little endearing. What is wrong with him?

“I have no clue,” Avocato sighs, a defeated man. “I woke up and it was sitting on me. How it got here? Who knows?”

“Huh, weird,” Gary offers helpfully. He pokes the goose in the side. The goose ruffles its feathers but makes no move to retaliate. “Doesn’t seem too dangerous.”

“I beg to differ,” Avocato says, showing Gary his arms. There’s a faint trace of blood in a couple spots in his fur.

“Ouch! The goose did that?” Gary grins as if he thinks it’s hilarious that Avocato was bested in combat by a bird.

“That thing is vicious,” Avocato insists, as if he still has any honor left to defend.

“Uh-huh,” Gary says skeptically. “Well. Other than your new friend here–” Avocato growls “–how are things going with you?” He looks earnestly at Avocato.

Avocato shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m still adjusting.”

“Understandable.”

“I just. It’s hard to believe that I died?”

Gary sighs. “Yeah. That was major suckage. Suckage to the _max_.”

“But then I didn’t?”

“Yep. Sounds like you have a good handle on things so far.”

“And I keep thinking about that and how that was almost it, no more second chances, and now I’m having all of these retroactive regrets. Things that I wish I had done before I died.”

“Oh? Like what?” Gary looks curiously at Avocato.

“Like you,” Avocato murmurs, then clams up. Shit, he didn't mean to say that. He had been very carefully avoiding thinking about certain feelings he may or may not have. Even if his brain was being very uncooperative. He blamed the not-dying.

“Me?” Gary asks, curious, apparently oblivious to the implication of Avocato’s phrasing.

“Um. Uh. Yeah. Kinda sucks leaving you behind to take care of my son like that.” Avocato stumbles over his words. It’s a half-truth, at least. So why does Avocato feel guilt welling up in his stomach?

“Hey. I would do anything for you. You know that, right? We clasped, remember?”

Tears threaten to form in Avocato’s eyes. It’s been so long since he had someone in his life who was ride or die for him. The dam holding back the tide of affection he feels for Gary is on the verge of breaking. It’s then that he notices that the goose is staring him down. It’s totally judging him.

“Shut up,” he hisses automatically. This earns a huff of laughter from Gary, and Avocato can feel his cheeks burn. The goose simply stares back.

Avocato and Gary fall into easy banter after that.

A few hours later Avocato is awoken by a hand on his shoulder. He startles and looks up to see Nightfall frowning at him.

“That can’t be good for your back,” she comments.

Avocato takes in his surroundings and realizes he and Gary have fallen asleep at the table. The goose is also still there, curled around itself in peaceful slumber.

“I heard about the goose from Little Cato,” Nightfall says.

“Not a word,” Avocato growls.

Nightfall holds placating hands in front of herself. “Woah. Take it easy there, cowboy.”

Avocato flicks an ear at that strange human expression. Was she calling him a cow? That was a new one.

A few minutes later the crew walks into the Garxia Station marketplace and is thankfully able to offload a very belligerent goose that absolutely does not want to go and Avocato is happy to know peace once again.

* * *

Avocato wakes up feeling satisfyingly refreshed. He sits up and stretches.

“Honk!”

The goose from hell is sitting at the foot of his bunk.

“Nooooooo,” Avocato pleads with the universe. The universe doesn’t respond.

The goose, however, does. It starts pecking at his feet and then it’s chasing Avocato out of the room again.

As he runs past the bridge he hears Clarence shout, “I thought I made it very clear: no geese on my ship!” but Avocato is already gone.

He runs into the mess. Gary, Fox, and Ash are playing cards at the table. They look up at him just as the goose bites him in the butt and he squawks. The three onlookers have a good laugh at his expense.

“So this is the infamous goose,” Ash says.

“Aw, he’s cute!” Fox adds.

“Hey man,” Gary says. “If you wanted to keep the goose, you should have just said so.”

“I did not keep the goose,” Avocato growls.

“Is that so? Then how did it get on the ship?”

“I don’t know?” Avocato complains. “Maybe it’s some kinda demon bird from another dimension that can teleport to whatever person it wants to torment.”

The goose honks at him.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just cranky,” Gary talks to the goose. “Trust me, he’s actually a pretty decent dude once you get to know him.” He looks up at Avocato with a serious expression. “I think you really hurt its feelings. You should apologize.”

Avocato can feel his fur bristling. “You’re taking the goose’s side,” he says in disbelief.

Gary chuckles. “Hey man, maybe it just wants to be your friend. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

The goose pecks at one of Avocato’s legs and he hops to the side. “Friend. Right.”

“Yeah. An epic bromance for the ages,” Gary says. Then he puts on a mopey face. “Wait. Are you bro-cheating on me with a goose?” He grabs his chest. “Well I never! How could you do this to me? After we clasped and everything!”

Avocato decides he doesn’t need to be here if Gary isn’t going to take him seriously. He stalks out of the mess. This apparently upsets the goose very, very much. It starts honking and chasing after him.

He runs down the corridor and into the brig. Through careful and clever maneuvering (and a few new injuries) he’s able to trap the goose behind the force field.

“There! Right where you belong, you little demon!” he exults.

The goose beats its wings against the force field, trying to force its way through.

“Not so tough now, are we?”

The goose stops its protests and sits down. It stares at him as if saying “I will get you for this.”

“We’ll see about that,” Avocato says as he leaves the room.

* * *

He wakes up the next morning to a very angry goose attacking him.

“Who the hell let the goose out!” he shouts.

This time he throws it out the airlock. That should do the trick.

For the rest of the day Fox won’t stop pouting and muttering about animal cruelty.

 _You want to talk about animal cruelty?_ Avocato thinks darkly.

That night, before he goes to bed, he lays out an array of devious traps in case the goose that’s obviously from some hell dimension somehow manages to show up again. There’s tripwires, snares, moving lasers, and more covering nearly every surface of the room.

At some point Gary walks by his open door and just shakes his head at him like he’s gone crazy. But Avocato will show them. Yes, he’ll show them all.

* * *

He wakes up to the sound of guns firing and ropes twanging. The goose seems to be deliberately setting off every trap in the room. It honks as it flies around the room.

Avocato knows the goose has been hit, but it’s not bleeding or really showing any sign of injury at all.

Great. So it’s an _immortal_ goose that’s obviously from some hell dimension. That’s just perfect.

This time when Avocato runs out of his room he sees Gary mucking around in the janitor’s closet. He makes a split-second decision and rushes into the closet, closing the door behind him. There’s honking coming from behind the door that dies down after a minute.

“Heh. Trapped in the closet with my best bro,” Gary says, then claps a hand over his mouth. “That sounded weird. Forget what I said,” he adds from behind his palm.

But Avocato isn’t really listening, instead distracted by the fact that he’s practically pressed head to toe against Gary. He feels warm all over, almost feverish.

He doesn’t realize he’s staring until Gary teases, “See something you like?” His giggles at his own joke die down when he realizes Avocato is not responding. “Oh.”

Avocato does some quick mental calculations on whether it’s better-slash-worse to stew in awkwardness with Gary or go out into the hall and face the goose, then decides to stop thinking altogether.

“Something you want to tell me, big guy?” Gary asks.

Avocato just stands there numbly.

“Hey,” Gary says. He places a hand on Avocato’s cheek, and damn it, since when was Gary the smooth one? “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Avocato nods, not able to form words. He can’t believe this is really happening.

And then Gary’s lips are on his and all goose related trauma is forgotten. A hand curls around the back of his head and starts scratching at the back of one of his ears.

Gary breaks away with a grin. “Are you purring?”

“Shut up,” Avocato mutters. (He’s totally purring.)

Gary keeps scratching Avocato’s ears as he pulls him into a tight hug. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, you know.”

“Me too,” Avocato says.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Heh. Who knew all it would take to get us together was for you to get harassed by a goose?”

“Baby?” Avocato says.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t talk about the goose.”

Gary chuckles at that. “Sure thing.”

Avocato rubs his cheek against Gary’s, soliciting a soft hum.

“You’re really tactile, huh?” Gary observes.

“Is that okay?” Avocato asks nervously. He pulls away to look at Gary.

“More than okay,” Gary answers with a reassuring smile.

They’re interrupted by Little Cato’s muffled laughter through the closet door. “The goose has calmed down. You can come out now.”

Avocato opens the door part-way. He cautiously peeks out into the hall. The goose is sitting there, looking like the very image of serenity. Avocato walks out, holding a mop for defense and hugging himself to the wall to put as much distance between the goose and himself as possible. Gary follows, snickering at his antics.

The goose gives them one last honk before it disappears in a puff of pink smoke.

“Huh,” Gary says. “That was weird. You think it’s gone for good?”

“I can only hope so,” Avocato responds. He pokes at the smoke cloud with the mop, deflating in relief when it hits air.

“You know,” Gary sighs. “I think I’m actually going to miss that goose.”

Avocato looks at him in horror. “If I never see another goose again it will be too soon.”

Gary snickers as he pulls Avocato in for another kiss.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” Little Cato squeals. He’s staring at Gary and Avocato with wide eyes and a happy grin and two hands pressing at his own cheeks.

 _Well that answers that question_ , Avocato thinks as he and Gary are wrapped up in a tight hug by a teenager that’s babbling in excitement.

This is his life now. Avocato thinks that goose shenanigans aside, it’s not entirely too terrible.


End file.
